I can see his face when I'm on insta and not feel that little burning bubble of hatred that used to weigh me down for days on end when someone even breathed his name. I guess you could call that character development.
It's funny how you can go from having someone be a staple in your life and being unable to cope with the possibility of them never being in your life when really it's nothing like that at all. People are more like avocados than water. You don't need avocados to survive.
But how does someone get to that point of feeling not even a niggle of emotion towards a person who played such a pinnacle role in their development as a human being? I had many emotions about him, not all positive. Thanks to this time period of my life, I have many negative traits. I'm quite to anger, I'm loud and I can be vindictive. I am also highly aware of my value as a person and will let very few people take advantage of me.
We are all, however, victims of time and as time goes on we feel everything less intensely than we did before. This in itself is a bit of a faux pas because it leaves us vulnerable to abuse yet again. No one wants to believe that someone is inherently a bad person but our forgiveness can sometimes leave us open to it again.
But it is a blessing. Forgiveness. And if anything, forgiveness is more for us than the one who desires it. When we forgive, we take time to look back at what was done to us and we forgive ourselves for 'allowing''it to happen. We forgive ourselves for letting that person in because it is part of the beauty of us, we are warm and kind and we choose to see the light in people who only see the darkness in themselves.
So would I be in the place to meet up with said person and be happy? No way in hell. Do I still want them to burn in the flames of hell? Not so much.
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